-I know I was in the middle of a series, but this hit me hard, so I had to write. I’ll try to have the next one out in under a week. I dedicate this to Brittnay and Ryan. In a major way, y’all were my teachers in the ways of modern love.
-This is a farewell letter. In the highest sense, it is a farewell to the old ways, and a big middle finger to the new, with a shrug of begrudging acceptance in there too.
Frank Sobotka, a character of The Wire (Go watch it if you have not. It is a true masterpiece), has a poignant quote in an episode where the stevedore union he is president of is getting investigated by the FBI. Some dead hookers have turned up among the freight they were handling, and his political connect has to abandon him due to his recent bad press. Frank is trying to get a grain pier built in Baltimore, Maryland (where The Wire is set), and is not concerned that his name be attached to this effort, but the investigation has mucked the whole process, and his connect cannot help him, even with extra bribe money being paid to him. Frank tells the connect this as he gets up to leave: “…we used to make [stuff] in this country, build [stuff]. Now we just put our hand in the next guy’s pocket.” In other words: We were once a great nation, but no more.
Another analogy: Goodbye Detroit. Detroit has an amazingly tragic history. It was not always the ghost-town/ghetto hellhole we now know it to be, with its urban blight and $1 houses. It was once the home of a booming automobile industry (GM, Ford, ect.) and a vibrant and soulful music industry (Motown). Large numbers of impoverished Americans made a better life for themselves there. But time passed, and especially after 1967, things slowly began to deteriorate. Globalization, stagnation, downsizing, outsourcing, capital flight, and socialist Democratic policy eroded that city into what it is now. Detroit, like many other cities in the North, has been hemorrhaging people for years, and is, above all other Rust Belt cities, the symbol of the decline of job quantity and quality (especially in the manufacturing sector) in America; a shell of its former self.
There is a constant theme that America was once better than it is now, and a sadness that some express over the loss of opportunity. Look at Trump’s slogan: “Make America great again.” Many will argue that this was only true for some people, and that America was always a mess. I would argue a mix of these two viewpoints: America was and is a mess, but in a lot of ways, it was greater in the past than it is now, especially morally and culturally. Yes, the past for America is a dark one, but it is also very complex and has a lot of hope which is simply not as prevalent in this current era. In other words…good times are fading, and for some, gone altogether.
For me and a silent but growing number of men, good times are a fleeting shadow, present only in our minds when we recall earlier days, or in old stories of times gone by. The present is grim, and the future is too bleak to look into without questioning the point of even bothering to exist long into it. This is a dark, pessimistic view, but many of us see it as our reality. Politically, economically, socially, and romantically, our prospects grow slimmer every day, and our hope also wanes. Some of us have given up entirely, becoming only shadows of what we could be, because we see no reward in the ever increasing toil and strife needed to become. Ed McMahon is dead, and in a way, so are many of our dreams; we know no one is coming to save us or help us in any meaningful way. We are manipulated, lied to, and otherwise shortchanged every day by our women, society and culture, and we see this for what it is, even when we try to deny it. This truth, unfortunately, is of the soul-crushing, life-shortening kind.
What if you finally got what you wanted the most, and when you got it, found it all to be a lie? What if you were not even midway through your second decade on Earth when you found it? What would you live for then? Would you even want to keep living? Imagine existing like this day after day, for the rest of your natural born life. For many of us, this nihilistic lens is how we view the world.
David Simon, one of The Wire’s creators, has a saying that fits what I am getting at beautifully: “We are a nation that shines sh*t and calls it gold.” Imagine that the excrement shined is the present reality, and the gold veneer is the past. Now imagine that the reality in question is the world of modern American relationships. Really, there are a number of other arenas this framework applies to, but this one is the one the rest of this discussion will center on.
I am an early twenties Black male. I am a thinker above all else. I am a misfit of misfits, all told. And I am a weird representative of many men who are unsung, unspoken of, yet ever more prevalent. I have little in common with many of my age cohort, yet at a base level, much in common with many of them. My life now is arguably worse than my life would have been in the past.
In the days of my father or grandfather, I would be a father myself. I would have a job, been having a job for some years, been making enough to afford all of the basics of life, and even a nice car, perhaps. I would be on my way to a decent life, in the face of adversity. Yes, I would not be able to go just anywhere, and yes I would be discriminated against. In a nominal sense, I would likely be poorer than I currently am. But I would be moving through life, and, above all, I would have a nice wife and some children by now.
I would most likely have been introduced to some nice young lady who wouldn’t mind a more blue-collar, John Doe type of guy like me, who valued family and stability, who would be faithful to me, and who would’ve been intimate with no one until me. There would be no thought of divorce, because to endure the harsh outside racism (the real, lynching, we-won’t-hire-you-boy, don’t-look-at-a-white-woman, John-and-Mary type racism, not this soft meaningless term we use now), we would have to stick together. She’d be a Woman, and I’d be a Man, and we’d raise a family, and we’d make it, hardscrabble life and all. And we would truly be together until Death split us.
There would be no need to waste time dating 6 or 7 women. No need to have to learn Game, because the culture and society still praised and respected Masculine Men and Feminine Women, and so Game (which is, at its core, a cheap set of imitations, built out of necessity) would be simply unnecessary. Between Biblical mores and cultural values, the Masculine and Feminine energies would be balanced out, and even though conflict would arise, it would be overcome.
Likewise, there would be no need to be wary of marriage, because it would be true. Divorce was a true anomaly even in my parents’ younger years (the early 1960s), because especially in poorer areas, men and women needed each other to survive. There were, in practice, no feminist laws which unfairly advantaged women over men. There was an expectation of chastity until marriage (even among Black Americans) and that once married, only the worst of circumstances (which amounted to adultery or excessive abuse) could justify a divorce. Heck, my great-granddad was a wife-beater (his children eventually threatened him on that, so he reformed), and yet him and Big Mama were married until death split them.
The idea of a “Strong, Independent Woman” would be nonexistent. Back then, there was no Welfare, Child Support, or even Alimony. Fundamentally, an “independent” woman was non-existent, as she had no choice but to either eke out a rough living, depend on a husband, or the church/charity, or family and friends, or some combination of all of that, as most women were not rich (doubly so in Black America). Even women who were able to financially support themselves were closely tied to family and community. Therefore, up until the 1980s, the concept of the “Independent Woman” would not have registered with most Americans.
In addition, there would be an understanding that I would have to treat women, and my imaginary old-time Bride, differently than I would my male counterparts. Also, and this is huge, the women were expected to act a certain way in return. As a man, you better not curse, act lewd, spit, wipe your nostrils, ect. around a Lady (and back then, many women could justifiably be called Ladies), and unless you wanted a mean butt-whooping (or worse), you never dreamed of hitting her, no matter how mad you were. And you had some responsibilities to your woman and children, namely provisioning, leadership, and guidance. And you damn sure kept them, because that’s what your father did for your mom, and that’s how the Men in the community did it, and they would not tolerate a man so low as to shirk those duties. The Good Book even says: “One who does not provide for his own household has denied the Faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.”
The old-time, would-have-been bride would be expected to act a certain way too. You treated her special, because she’d treat you special. She was expected to be a virgin when you wed her. She would not curse, as Ladies simply did not spew vulgarity. She would be open to, nay, expectant of, having children in her younger years (it was not uncommon for older men to marry younger women; this is the norm for most of human history). And by younger years, I mean that women in their mid-twenties were seen as spinsters if they were without children by then. I know older couples who have been married from their mid or late teens and on. This was not uncommon in days past, especially in the countryside.
Like I said earlier, she would be expected to be faithful to you and not divorce you. In fact, older laws made it hellishly hard for a couple to legally split, and doubly so for the woman. Back then, you had to prove fault of a spouse to leave them, and so “separated” couples were more common than divorcees. She would also not be hell-bent on having a career. That word itself is a recent, 19th-century invention, and may it be forever damned, as it has corrupted millions of otherwise nubile American young women. Now don’t get me wrong, she would be working in some capacity (only rich women could even dream of being “Stay at home moms”, or “Kept women”, and poor and darker-skinned women worked out of necessity back then, often doing physically demanding tasks which would challenge the backs of Men today). However, the idea that she must work and then “settle down” and maybe have kids by 30 was nonexistent, and fortunately for some cultures, still is.
Also, note that all that labor would have gotten and kept her slim. Go back and look at American women of Old. They may not be all pretty in the face, but you’ll find nary a picture of an overweight or obese woman if you look in old black-and-white photo albums. Now, the Black ones may be bigger in stature, but that was not extra fat. That was more muscle mass under extra bodyfat (which is what make women’s skin softer and their muscles less defined than men’s). Think of the build female (non-steroid using) weightlifters, swimmers, or shotput throwers have, and you’ll get the idea; not fat, but bigger. Working in the fields will do that to you. Likewise, men of that era were overall much more rugged and muscular than they are now, as food was more natural, work was much more physical in nature, and the world was not as developed or convenient. The gym was not prevalent until the late 1900s; the farm, the fields, and the factory took care of all that before then.
Even more so, she would likely be very religious, and have the uniquely feminine ability to wordlessly shame men into acting more upright; drinking and cursing less, and staying good fathers, not because of her nagging or her use of punitive laws, but because of the standard her good behavior set. Historically, women are a nation’s moral thermostat; a nation of rotten women (like ours today) indicates a failing nation (like ours today), whereas a nation of upright women (like ours two generations ago) indicates a nation in good overall health (like ours two generations ago). There is a verse in the Bible that talks about good women winning their husbands over without a word. Well, what I am describing should give you a good idea of how that used to work (and why that concept is almost anathema now).
I could go on for days about this; I feel that I would have made a great father and husband to some lady back than, and I know I’d have been married by now. I also know I could’ve expected to be head of my household, and to have had a virgin Bride who I could expect to love me and respect me, and stick with me all of the time. Most of all, I know that the trials of married life would’ve helped to make me a much more responsible, mature man than I am now; I am, admittedly, a shell of what I could have been. Instead, I’m a disillusioned, broke college kid, with nary a hope of ever meeting, much less marrying, a woman like that. Those dreams are just that: dreams. More likely than not, I’ll have to (if I even marry at all…MGTOW is good looking at this point) settle for an overweight, overly tattoed, semi-vulgar, sexually experienced (because “her past doesn’t matter”), half-respectful female, who only is looking to marry in her late 20s because she is ready to “settle down” from her almighty Career and marry a man, who she will then expect to treat her like men used to treat women, while she won’t be expected to treat me good at all, never mind acting how women used to act.
And, that, fundamentally, is why they call men like me Beta Males. That is why precious few Black men are stupid enough (and I know, but I was raised traditional and Christian, so it’s hard to quit that kind of behavior when you’ve grown up with it for 18 years) to be “Gentlemen” (read: beta males). That is why young men don’t marry, and that is why women will never truly “get it” as to why. Our culture used to have expectations of men and women. It used to value religion and marriage. It used to aid people in their walk to live a disciplined, moral life (even if they were not Christian). But no more. And the fundamental change is this: Now, men are still expected to act traditionally toward women, but women are free to act however they want. Put another way: Men bear all the responsibility and consequences in their dealings with women, but women bear none of these in their dealings with men, as they are free to be as vulgar and masculine as they like; nay, encouraged by our culture to be so, and they will never be punished for neglecting duties (like staying with their man) they don’t have to bear. To add insult to injury, men are more or less thrown into this mess (due to increasing fatherlessness due to the Welfare State) with no guidance on how they are to make it, and no guarantees of anything good from women. That is why the laws are biased as they are. That is why women divorce men at rates of 70%, and Black women and men barely bother with marrying at all, and only after much sexual experimentation. That is why the State will grow continually, and that is why marriage will become rarer and rarer. That is also why men like me (and especially Black men like me) will continue to fade out of existence overall, and will cease to exist if the culture keeps on degenerating into decadence.
And now I will end my diatribe of longing, my wishful hopes of a future which may have been 60 years ago, and certainly will not be today, by saying, thanks Brittnay. Thanks Ryan. Thank you to all the women who taught me, by method of hard knocks, that it’s a dream. For years I clung on, but now I must accept reality. I hope you see by now that what they pejoratively call “Beta males” used to be good men back then. The culture has changed so that that old, chivalric behavior in men is used and abused by women (Lord knows I have been down that road many a time!) with no expectations of romance to be had (“friendzone” 101). What would get you a good, beautiful (inside and out) wife in your youth back then will get you divorce-raped, LJBF’d (Let’s Just Be Friends), manipulated, and otherwise screwed over now. Any man who would keep up those behaviors nowadays truly is a fool-A noble fool, but a fool nonetheless. “Playing by the rules” simply doesn’t work anymore.
The TV series that most clearly conveys this fact is “Breaking Bad” (not quite as good as The Wire, but close). The central theme of the show is of an “Aw Shucks” type of White guy, in this case a chemistry teacher with the typical wife and family, transforming from a “nice guy” into a criminal badass. No other show I have ever seen more concisely conveys the “No More Mr. Nice Guy” message more clearly. Walter White stops following the “rules” of society. He breaks the law. He quits his job. He stops bowing to his wife. And in so many ways, he wins. He goes Galt by default (dirty cash money vs. clean taxable income), he wins the respect and submission of his wife, and he rises in power and influence. He represents the transformation of a Beta everyman into an Alpha boss. Morals get shady of course (but then again, look at how shady the government has become), but the message is clear: No more mister nice guy is the way to go. Because, fundamentally, men go with what works. And nowadays, being a “nice guy” and playing by the rules of society simply won’t get you a woman. It’s great for after you get married, but the saying rings true: Nice guys finish last. And if it were not for Brittnay and Ryan to metaphorically, and in one case literally, beat me up until I learned that, I’d still be that nerdy Beta simp getting constantly friendzoned. But now I can close the door on that horrid phase of life, for good.
I’ll leave the young men with some templates: Omar Little and Brother Mouzone. Both Wire characters, these are men who’ve adapted to life in the ghetto in modern America (and in many ways, the dating/relationship game in all of America is a ghetto). They are both flawed, and one is gay (sadly, this is a viable adaptation in some ways), but they both make it. First, Omar. He is the homosexual man of the two, though you’d never know it from watching him act. He also holds solid sway over the two women in his crew, and loyalty and respect is both given and received by all who work with him. He is bold, daring, proficient with weapons, combat, and negotiation, very clearheaded, and strictly adherent to a quirky moral code he has (“A man got to have a code”). He is respected by some, feared by others, and he just plain is a badass.
Of note here is that being gay/physically asexual does offer a large advantage over being straight in this modern era: Once you are no longer interested in women, so many areas of life open up to you, especially now that women are a huge part of the workforce and so you must deal with them constantly. Plus, accusations of sexual indiscretion just glance off you as though you had bulletproof skin. You gain immense clarity of thought and action and lose the Achilles heel of mortal (read: heterosexual) men: Women. Not being swayed by the power of the pu$$y is a Godlike ability I dream of having as a straight guy…sadly, I am just a mortal. I’m not a gay advocate by any means (being Christian in worldview) and I can’t condone that STD-ridden, crazy lifestyle, but I can see why guys would go that route.
Now we turn to Brouther Mouzone. He is a killer. He is feared by all, and respected. His name means “Justice” in Arabic. His sexuality is not delved into, but he is Muslim, so his religion protects him in that regard (In America, Christianity is the domain of women, but the Nation of Islam is solidly the domain of men). He is implied to be a strict adherent to it, and that is his code. All great men have a code (and it takes discipline to keep a good moral code). He is very erudite, articulate, dresses in a suit all the time, well groomed, and above all else, professional. He does not mince words, and he gets the job done. He’d do well with women hands down in this modern era. Both men have a code, skill with weapons and combat, and a cool, merciless air about them. Both are legendary characters in that universe.
Even though I was raised with a father, I was raised with a tradcon Christian viewpoint which puts me at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to girls. I ate a lot of feminist garbage and now am having to expel it. The best thing that my old man gave me, though, was a quick instinct. It didn’t take me long (and I didn’t get beat up too bad compared to many men) to start adapting once I realized how wrong I was. Now, in a way, Omar Little and Brother Mouzone are two big character templates I use. I have the empirical knowledge base of Mouzone, and an inkling of the more “street level” knowledge of Omar. I aspire to have the dress and grooming of Mouzone (not there yet), the demonstrated power over women and hustle of Omar, and the combat and weapons skills, audacity, proficiency, and hard, merciless edge of both men. Guys like that get women and respect no problem.
So far in that quest, that leads me to say goodbye. Goodbye to the Gentleman; to the Beta boy. I was the guy girls “wish they had”, but never got with for some reason. I flashed a little game at one point, and that was when I got the only dates I’ve ever had. I relapsed. I opened doors. I help girls move. I was the shoulder they’d cry on when their boyfriends left them. I played the “gay friend” role, basically. And what did I get? Almost thrown in jail, almost fired, manipulated, screwed over (financially too), and not ONCE did they ever so much as dream of dating me. Why? Because nice guys don’t cut it. Alpha males do.
Enter the Mercenary. I spend 95% of my time not dealing with young women (not much point if you ain’t Alpha, plus no drama is awesome). My primary goals in life aren’t them, and I’ll be damned before I waste any more time or money on girls who could give a tinker’s damn (and just stare at their smartphones 25/8), or catch another lawsuit/pink slip scare. Only because old habits die hard, I like to do nice stuff for girls sometimes (Beta as all hell, I know). But now, they gotta do stuff for me. Up front. And if they don’t like it, they can take their problems to the next guy. Because, as Brittnay and all those other girls demonstrated for me time and again, there’s always a next guy. And you can bet your ass he ain’t a Beta male. Oh, and as for most American women, and almost all Black American women? Not even worth my time. Not even a simp like me has time to waste on all that baggage, and with a moral code that stipulates marriage? Not a chance. I will die alone just fine if I don’t marry, ’cause I want a young (mid-twenties tops) virgin, against all odds. Note that foreign-born women are much better marriage material over all, though that has its hazards too. Hell, some of you guys may want to look into expatriation if you really want a good wife and kids and the ability to actually wear the pants in the relationship.
And when you girls over here are 35 and single, but have great careers or lots of welfare/child support money (after all, that’s what you want most, right?), I’ll laugh. You’ll keep asking the same damn questions, and in gentlemanly fashion, me and my comrades will tell you (not that you’ll listen): You missed ’em. Shoulda thought about that 17 years ago when we were all tripping over ourselves for you and you ignored us (but not all that free stuff and attention you got…). Oh well, toughen up buttercup. What goes around, in time, will come back around.